Be Prepared

Robert Baden-Powell chose well the motto for his fledgling para-military organisation - Be Prepared. Indeed, by the time Kaiser Bill threatened our security a well-honed crack team stood poised to repulse his advances and throughout the twentieth century there was barely a boy who couldn't whip up a woggle or lash up a lanyard if need be.

Sadly, a recent report attests to the decline of such scouting skills in the wake of such things as soft parenting, health-and-safety and political-bloody-correctness. Admittedly the existence of the occasional, overly friendly Akela hasn't helped but, hey, you can't make an omelette without de-flowering the odd vulnerable kid now, can you? In some public schools that used to be called character-building. "Stop snivelling, boy!"

Today's pampered, delicate flowers need endure none of the activities that formed the backbone of the generations that fought to retain the old empire. In fact they are entirely unprepared for the struggle that lies ahead. From where will come the disciplined, resourceful recruits to staff the new order?

So, with this in mind we need a training programme and where better to start than the state nurseries? As soon as the kids are capable of forming a fist we should set them to work whittling, tying, lashing and ging-gang-gooleying for all they are worth. Of course, we're bound to lose a few in the inevitable knife-related accidents and there will undoubtedly be plenty of missing-fingers, but that will only serve to sharpen up their mental counting skills. No down-sides as far as I can see.

And the result is that they will be prepared. And they'll do as they're bloody well told, when I'm king.