Wednesday 21 September 2011

School's Out for Summer

Aargh! What is it about the phrase, 'feral, underclass, criminal scum' that Nick Clegg doesn't get?

"Prevent children [from] falling through the cracks"? Jesus Brian O'Blimey, does he not realise they were born between the cracks, they intend to live their lives there and the good ones will die there, leaving no marks but skid-marks on the world? The ones he's seen emerged from the cracks simply because they saw a chance to steal and wreak havoc and maybe get away with it.

Summer school? Why not a send 'em on safari? Or trips to Disney? Sod it, give them a council house and be done with it! For every single kid who has genuinely benefited from such crackpot schemes  there are many thousands who have not. And what message does that send to the decent kids? Work hard at your sums, practice your writing, finish your homework on time and you'll get... nothing. Nothing, that is, except a chance to get a job and spend a lifetime paying taxes so the squeaky wheels can continue to be greased-up on handouts.

And then we'll take more of your money to send to Greece and Italy and Spain and...

The best thing a scheme like this could achieve is a period of incarceration; take them off the street for a few weeks. So let's not pretend it is anything but a brief respite for the elders of the rats' nest sink estates.

So, I have a much better idea, naturally. I like Cleggy's idea, I do. With one little tweak: Let's bring back Borstal and send these brats on a summer taste of what's to come if they don't scurry back down through those cracks. And we can invite hard-working kids to the summer gala at the end, where they can play splat-the-rat with some real vermin.

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