Saturday 3 September 2011

You for Coffee?

I read an article last week, which made my day. Said article was about some research regarding the efficacy of a cup of coffee and concluded that much of the highly sought-after caffeine 'buzz' was psychosomatic. Yes! I've been saying this for years. During those years I have seen untold numbers of fellow workers eulogising about their craving for and fulfilment on experiencing their first cup of the day.

I have always been able to take it or leave it. I neither need nor crave a morning coffee and frequently don't bother and yet I drink gallons of the stuff, most notably immediately before bed. Never felt a need, never experienced a buzz, never had trouble nodding off. The closest I have ever come to a 'buzz' is when, as a student, I was pulling an all-nighter, drinking coffee and popping ProPlus in an effort to revise for finals and my hands got a bit trembly by four in the morning. I believe four in the morning had more to do with that experience than the caffeine.

When I'm King, all scientists will naturally want to run their theories past me for agreement. It's nice to see that they are coming round to my way of thinking. More sensible reports like this, please.

Which brings me onto the Emperor's new clothes,or, as I like to call it, the Red cock-and-Bull story. If ever there was proof of the stupidity of people in general, it is the phenomenal rise of the marketing-only company that somehow makes active morons pay out for a piss-coloured, mildly offensive-tasting cup of caffeine with lots of sugar which they somehow believe 'gives them wings'. With gullibility at this all-time high, getting me voted King can only be a matter of time.

And as for those caffeine enemas - you can shove 'em up your arse!


A propos of nothing in particular, I'm stashing my business logo on here:

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