Jumping Jihadis

So, ninety percent of the electorate don’t bother to turn out to vote for a new Inter-Planetary Press and Police Complaints Commissionaire, Maître-Doorman, or whatever the fuck they were being asked to select. Has it occurred to politicians that nobody really gives a fig any more? Maybe the muslims are on the right track after all; democracy is dead as a door nail and trying to use it to legitimise an election which can now be won by the pitching up of Mam, Dad, Uncle Kev and Aunty Dor’ at the polling booth of a Thursday evening is as valid as pretending Popes can perform miracles.

It’s all very well organising things in accordance with the will of the majority, but let’s be frank, the majority couldn’t give a fuck what happens just so long as they can get off their tits of a weekend and have their battle scars patched up by the NHS free, gratis and for nothing, thank you very much. In fact, given the proven ability of committees to fuck things up far more effectively than any one, sane decision-maker, effectively making the entire country a committee of millions it’s a wonder anything ever gets done at all…

Or looked at another, rational, way, it’s no wonder at all that we’re in the depths of shit we’re currently wading through. The Middle East badly need a few ruthless dictators back in power to quell the squabbling medievals; somehow the world was a more peaceful place when people were left alone to persecute each other in their own places of origin, rather than be allowed to swan about inflicting confusion and bloodshed in the name of cultural enrichment.

Clearly, humans do not play well with other children and must be separated for their own good. The new Terror ASBOs are not going to do that. They want an islamic state, then let them have one and make them stay there, because the only way of controlling the jihadists is by the methods they use to control others. And given that in a supposedly civilised country we don’t do that sort of thing, surely our only answer is to export our national HR problem by outsourcing it to where they can.

The good news is that it turns out islam isn’t a one-size fits all deal. Despite their insistence that the one true allah is merciful, there must be several such allahs, for each one favours a different type of warped superstition and appears to decree death to the rest: Sunni-Delights, Shia LaBeoufs, Wahhabi Waffles, Sufi Succotash the various allahs preside over a marvellously divided bunch of misfits. So, this gives me an idea.

Round ‘em up, divide them into their sectarian groups, load them into troop planes and fly them all back to not quite where they belong. Give them a choice of parachute or not, but either way, drop them over a different group’s territory. Do the same with all the hysterical lefty supporters of Hamas – they can choose which type of lovely islam they want to live with. Repeat until the only muslims who remain in Britain are the hitherto silent and largely mythical ‘moderate’ ones and all of the lefties have shut the fuck up. I can see no downsides apart from the loss of a few thousand parachutes.