All change!

Forgive me, Blogger, for I have sinned. It has been many days since my last rant; I have committed a sin of omission. (Been busy, innit?) Now, where do I start? Did we, or didn’t we ‘halve’ the EU demand for more of ‘our’ dosh? Did we, or didn’t we have a debate on the European arrest warrant? And did we, or didn’t we regain powers to limit benefit receipt by new immigrants to this country? (Hint: We didn’t, we didn’t & we didn’t) Events over the last week or so have only confirmed, to any who would listen, that Westminster is so firmly in thrall to Jean Monnet’s  Federal European Project that without some form of revolution Britain will soon become a mere collection of European regions, if it isn’t already.

But I no longer want a referendum. Michael Portillo is right; the euro-sceptics will lose and then we will be fucked for at least another lost generation or two. But despite hollow promises to reform the EU the intention of all three of the main parties – beyond a very small number of rebels – is for us to remain in the European Union, whatever their ultimate plan for the demise of European nation states. The Conservatives are bought and paid for and Labour has long lost its validity as the party of the working man. Ed Miliband clearly showed that, siding with the CBI over Europe. Why would the CBI not support a movement which gave it unfettered access to the cheapest work force, knowing the state would take up the slack of those unwaged as a result?

And what of the likes of Russell Brand and Owen Jones? Juvenile politics based on wild dreams and unsubstantiated theories, waved on by the flags of a million foot-stamping children who think the world is just not fair? Of course it’s not fair; have you seen humans? Their faux revolution is perfect for the established parties because while it gathers no real momentum and has no policies to speak of, its muddled supporters – the radfems, the loonies, the greens, ‘da kidz'; the fucking idiots in the ‘V’ masks – while they are not squabbling amongst themselves know deep within their anti-corporate souls that UKIP is their enemy because the people who sell them their ‘barista’ coffee, customise their iPhones and sweatshop their tee-shirts have told them so.

Not the bankers. Not royalty. Not the business leaders. Not politicians. Who is going to lead us, anarchists? No, dear Holmes, once you have eliminated the usual, you are left with the inevitable, which brings us to UKIP themselves and the fact that nobody realising quite what they stand for is one of their biggest assets. What UKIP really stands for is very simply ‘none of the above’. The traditional parties’ response to UKIP’s popularity surge? To repeatedly call them ‘populist’, opportunist racists and fruitcakes. Nigel himself could not have dreamed up a better campaign. With every dispossessed voter roundly insulted for even considering the switch is it even surprising that this rebellious surge has not been halted?

Those polls that everybody likes to disregard when they arrive at the ‘wrong’ conclusions? Well, the public on the whole doesn’t have an informed opinion on anything very much until the polls themselves tell them what to think – it’s like propaganda, don’tcha know - and while nobody expects UKIP to have any of the answers to any of the problems, with each upward notch their support grows. You don’t have to be politically engaged to see that nobody knows how to fix the NHS, border control, wages, rents, energy, trade, transport, foreign policy, law and order and any of the other issues that successive government have failed to satisfactorily order, but there is one answer that nobody has yet tried. Leave the EU and see what happens.

Once one falls, they all fall.

The mere fact that the Europhile failures who have led us for so many years are so desperate to cling onto their posts is evidence enough, in the eyes of many more than just potential UKIP voters that something has to change. In Britain’s parliamentary democracy, such as it is, long-term incumbent governments eventually get thrown out, if only from sheer boredom at the monotony of it all. Why should it be any wonder that people are finally directing their ire at the longest incumbent government of all, the one blamed by every British government, for at least something, since its inception? I don’t want a referendum; I just want out.

Peace on Earth

So, yesterday, the hated beloved Eurocracy picked up the Nobel prize for tyranny, I mean peace. Can that actually be true? What is going on? Are we playing Opposites Year? So, Animal Farm style, it’s now democracy bad, tyranny good, eh? I think I’m beginning to get the hang of this.

Hitler was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize in 1939, as a satirical joke some say, but then Stalin had two nominations, in 1945 & 1948, so who was kidding who? It would appear that some forms of submission to government control of absolutely everything are okay, just not Adolf’s version; and he worked hard on that bloody book.

In its contribution to “peace and reconciliation, democracy and human rights” in Europe the EU has stood by to allow the free expression of dissent in the form of anti-governmental riots across many member states. You don't like your government? Then all is well, because the EU will remove it altogether. The display of Nazi insignia to greet Angela Merkel in Greece was a wonderful way to remind the proles just how much peace they've had for so long. And that peace doesn't come cheap.

In the name of peace entire nations have been ‘requested’ to vote again on referendum outcomes that were not conducive to the European Project. These words have passed into notoriety; ”Europe's nations should be guided towards the super-state without their people understanding what is happening.“ (Jean Monnet, founding father of the EU, April 1952) They are said not to be Monnet's direct words, but an accurate interpretation of his clear intentions; a voice from a troubled past maybe, but the current troika fully intend to apply more of the same.

To be fair, when the subject of a referendum arises it must be very difficult to phrase the questions just so, in order to get the correct answer. I mean, how ridiculous to ask simply IN or OUT? Some voters might be terribly silly and vote OUT just because they don’t understand the question. And anyway, that is far too simplistic.

No, far better to employ a team of experts to devise a series of questions, a mini-manifesto if you will, to gently lead the plebs electorate to the correct conclusion.  Having made a longitudinal study of these experts – I’m an expert on experts – I've had a stab at creating an EU approved Referendum for European. Answer Yes or No to the following questions (translations provided)

1. Do you want peace on earth and goodwill to all men? (Vote Yes or we’ll send in the army.)

2. Do you want to support local farmers? (Of course you do – we’ll price out of the market anybody offering a better product cheaper. 232% Tax onChinese garlic?)

3. Do you wish for an end to starvation? (Excellent. We’ll strip the shops of all that expensive choice and set up commission-approved food banks for all.)

4. Do you believe that everybody should have equal access to jobs? (Following Greece and Spain’s excellent examples we will enslave you all forever on welfare – that’s equal.).

5. Do you think everybody should have equal pay? (We will drive out the capitalists that pay for everything and drive down wages until all are equal.)

6. Should your children get the same education opportunities as others? (We already did this – it’s called the comprehensive system, where everybody leaves equally uneducated.)

7. Do you wish Tony Blair was out of British politics? (That's easy; there will be no more 'British' politics once TB becomes EU Emperor)

8. Do you support free speech and the right to be unmolested?  (We will legislate to prevent anybody causing you offence. If that involves curtailing the use of your language, so be it – you asked for it.)

9. Do you want people to be happy? (You do? Good. Legislation for enforced jollity is on the way.)

10. Do you want democracy? (Yes? I don’t think you fully understood the question.)

So, how did you do? Answer YES ten times and you really haven't been listening, but even a single yes would be enough to declare you IN under EU referendum rules. Listen now as the distant rumble of malcontents with vested interests grows into a roar of approval for full integration. Marvel as formerly disenchanted politicians suddenly get onside with the project. See for yourself how much money and energy will be poured into persuading you that you can't think for yourselves. Vote for slavery, vote for collectivism... or grow a set and vote for yourselves.

I'd like to teach the world to sing...

The syrupy tones of The New Seekers fades into the distance as, holding hand in hand, they bring love and peace to the world via the medium of Coca-Cola. Actually, the song and the advertisement pre-date the 1971 hit single, but that isn't important; as always, what's important is the message.

Harmony, they sang, why can't we all get along? If we all did things the same way, if our weights and measures were harmonised, a component made in one country would easily integrate with a machine made elsewhere. If Frankfurter's bolt could slide easily into Nancy's nut we'd all get along, side by side, top to tail, hand in hand, gland in gland.

And if industry, they argued, why not our infrastructure; strategic, political and economic? Hey, here's a plan, let's all use the same money! Of course. It's so much easier to quantify a trade deficit without all that messy currency converting to distort the figures. Oh, and, talking of money, harmonisation doesn't come cheap, you know. Cough up. (Cough up? At the cost of our membership I'm coughing up a lung here!)

Regional variation? You must be kidding! Local produce? Give over! Cornish Pasties, Melton Mowbray pies, Yorkshire pudding; they'll all have to go. In the future we'll have standardised, normalised, harmonised, homogenised Euro-fodder. Victory Pie will become Glorious Project Pie. Coronation Chicken will become Rompuy's Delight (contains traces of chicken) and Upside Down Cake will be, well, it will be just the approved standard cake.

If we could get people to be "shorter in height we could fit twice as many in the same building site; you'll see it's all right." (For any youngsters who click on that link; don't worry, music was LIKE that in the olden days.) Hey, we could even harmonise our terrorists. In the future they will all come with an eye patch and a hook-hand, so we can spot them in a crowd - although this didn't seem to work in the UK when trialled over the last two decades.

Standardised, homogenised Euro-pattern terrorist

David Cameron has said a referendum on Europe is not a priority. It seems we're on our own then. So, join with me. If we all hold hands and huff and puff hard enough we can blow down the house of cards, we can blow the dark, Satanic Euro-windfarms back to Deutschland and we can turn back the tides... or suffer hernias in the process. Were else does the wind go when you strain too hard? Oh yes, Europe - Blow it out your arse!

Pity the children

We all know people who lie and cheat and steal. We are surrounded by them and more are arriving every minute. They infiltrate our society and demand more and more of our time and resources just to keep them fed and warm and to keep them under control. But, being the tolerant souls we are, we let these liars, cheats and thieves trample all over our carefully woven fabric of civilisation.

That's kids for you. As mere clothed monkeys of course they have only one aim in life and that is life itself. Left to develop without guidance they would continue to act amorally and outside the laws that keep the rest of us in check. One of the first essential parental duties is to steadily inculcate the behaviour expected of a fully-functioning, contributory member of society. And then, in adult life, it is our individual duty to maintain those cultural norms. Our prisons are full of those who have been unsuccessful in curbing their natural animal instincts.

But it's not just the prisons, is it? The infantile mental state of believing you can lie and cheat your way through life extends throughout our society. In fact, it seems, the higher you climb - you monkey you - the closer you get to your animal instincts to lie and cheat and steal.

So is it any wonder that those who constantly lie to us about everything believe they can continue to get away with it because history appears to vindicate this course of action? We are lied-to about taxation and spending. We are lied-to about educational performance. We are lied-to about our involvement in foreign affairs and we are lied-to about Europe on a daily basis as if WE were the children.

Shiny Dave will do everything to avoid a meaningful referendum on the gravy train. And in his twisted book, 'everything;' includes a promise to hold such a referendum. A promise which - like all the others - will be broken. But it doesn't matter, does it? Because despite your iron resolve to vote us out of the expensive monstrosity you (and no doubt, I) will meekly accept the lie of a renegotiation.

There IS only one way to deal with the Europe question. We either accept it, go along with its subjugation and become part of a monolithic Marxist state, or we leave it to its own rotting demise and return to happy self determination. Belief in any other option - as has been shown for almost four decades is denial of the plain truth. When children do this - saying they haven't lied or cheated or stolen, we have ways of correcting their behaviour.

So, where's the naughty step for politicians?

Nursery Crimes

Many nursery rhymes are said to be partly political in origin. With this in mind I bring you important new updates:

Georgie Porgie, put VAT on a Pie…

Herman Van Rompuy sat on a wall;
Rumpy-Pumpy had a great fall.
All the King's horses and all the King's men,

Couldn't put Herman together again, because Federal Europe allows no royalty and somebody has to consider the human rights of the horses.

Three blind mice, three blind mice,
See how they run!
They can clearly get by without disability living allowance.

Baa, baa, black sheep, Oh... [<~~ link]

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To fetch a pail of water;
Jack fell down and broke his crown,
And Jill lived happily ever after on the punitive award for damages.

Frere Jacques, got your knackers,
Merkel too, Herman who?
Have a referendum, have a referendum?

A vote for you, a vote for you...

(Now, do it again and this time give the right answer!)

Repeat this one out loud in your best French accent until you get it!

(Answers in a comment)

Un petit, d’un petit

Ça t’en â valle

Un petit d’un petit

A d’agrètte falle

(Geddit?)

Have a lovely weekend!

Euro Scepticaemia

I heard a rumour the other day that the Labour Party was considering offering an in-out referendum on Europe should they win at the next national apathy competition we call a general election. As the number of disenfranchised and thus voting-averse indigenous Brits grows in comparison with the rising tide of politicised incomers, whose presence here is gifted by the EU’s interference in our right to determine our own demography, there’s a good chance of that idea backfiring on them.

We’ll see. I think it a fair bet that nobody other than UKIP will dare offer that option and support for UKIP will dangerously damage not-so-Shiny-now Dave’s chance of getting back in for a second term. Something even his own side seem to be determined to prevent; Nadine Dorries courting popular opinion in a daring attempt to... what? Claim a scalp before she crosses the floor? It was certainly a brave resignation speech!

Whatever happens, however, I am resolutely for ‘out’ in the same way I was resolutely against ‘in’ in 1975, when they wouldn’t even let me vote. And here’s why. (You should note that, in the absence of any concrete figures, I’ll be making up my own, picking and choosing my ‘facts’ as I please, just as any government or opposition does. My numbers might not be accurate, but they ‘feel’ about right and until anybody actually tells us the truth – and they haven’t in knocking-on forty years – my numbers are just as good as anybody else’s.)

Based on this accurate set of statistics and my estimated inflation factor, the annual cost of being in with the in crowd is about £70bn.

In return we receive ‘inward investment’ of about, oh, I don’t know, let’s say £75million, mostly in the form of sports halls, ‘multicultural’ community centres, council tax brochures printed in Urdu, a few floral clocks and the VAT on MEP’s expenses spent over here on imported foie gras, caviar and champagne.

Membership of the EU creates minus-200 jobs each day for British kids and allows a million non-English speakers to run our hospitality and health industries, sending an invigorating £10bn per year back home to fund sex and drugs based crime academies in eastern Europe, its practitioners to be illegally re-imported into Britain in the backs of Norbert Dentresangle trucks. Or by simply walking through our border controls, brandishing unchallenged false passports.

So, taking all of this undeniably fact-based data into account, on balance not only would we be better off out, but we’d return to surplus in under ten years, drive our population down to a sustainable 50 million and build a powerhouse economy while Europe staggers under the weight of its malignant hypocrisy. Go on. Prove me wrong.

Do we want a referendum? Do we bollocks. Do we want to negotiate an undignified, shambolic, apologetic, shuffling retreat? No, sod all that. Sack all the traitorous human rights lawyers, who are at the heart of much of what is wrong with Europe and then march into Brussels, pull up our tent pegs, pack up our kit bags and in the wise, wise words of Malcolm Tucker, fuck the fuck right off. United Kingdom, I dare you to grow a set.