Woe and thrice woe!

So, following a catastrophic, dead-end, crashing-out, cliff edge no-deal, Billy-no-mates Brexit... what then? Will bodies line the roads? Will rickety-legged children hobble on their crutches to sell matches in the dim-lit, cobbled streets of London? Will pestilence rise up and take the halt and the sick? And will dark predators roam the alleys looking to sell the last few healthy infants into slavery in Africa?

Under the listless, sickly sun of perpetual winter, the drizzle of acid rain will slowly erode the steel structures of modernity and revert Britain to a nation of medieval hovel-dwellers, preferably with pungent animal dung as the primary building material. After all, it’s what they deserve, those who dared to dream of freedom. They didn’t have a plan to leave. They didn’t know what voting for Brexit would mean. They have brought us down; they have killed Britannia.

This is the remainers’ wet dream, a world of ruin and defeat, of squalor and hopelessness and all because of Brexit. They repeatedly told us we voted to destroy our children’s future, and come April they are damn well determined to be proven right. So instead of accepting the reality, which is that Brexit will touch few lives with any great significance and some lives in minor ways, for most people it will be no worse than changing jobs, moving house, going through puberty, getting married, or simply having to accept a new form for submitting your expenses.

The everyday lives of probably over 95% of the population will not change at all. But there will be some significant changes. Those who dared – despite the beatings – to vote to leave will be more determined than ever to make a go of it. Some will really prosper, but all will feel a sense of pride, of belonging, of ownership of the country once again. Brexit isn’t a setback, it’s an opportunity. The EU doesn’t want to play? We’ll change the game; it’s our ball, after all and we can put our goalposts down wherever we wish.

No deal is pretty much assured...

Remainers will watch, miserable, from the side-lines, as plucky little Britons do what we have always done – mustn’t grumble, make the best of it and crack on. In time the majority will convert, or at least shrug and realise there is no point in their futile rejection of facts – actual facts, not the imagined facts they tout today. And in the end those who will not accept the democratic will of the majority will wither away, leave or retreat into obscurity. Do this right and we will leave the EU, we will also leave behind the whiny bitches of Remain.

Vote for Yourself

It’s hard to imagine how much lower the Remain campaign can sink after the ‘white thug’ poster, the clear implication being that if you vote to leave you must be an under-educated, unemployable white racist and only the combined forces of loveliness – see the sweet white-haired Asian lady – can thwart the evil demons of darkness. I only hope the Leave flag-wavers don’t continue down the undignified road of tit-for-twat insult exchange the referendum has become. This isn’t about what type of people we are, it’s about who owns us and whether we can do anything about it.

They say what’s yours is yours, but that’s true only as long as you can hold onto it. Die intestate and the crown will gleefully pick through your belongings. Even alive ‘your’ land can be repossessed by the state at will, for that new bypass or stadium or HS2. Keep your money in a bank and the government can dip into it whenever they wish; some western governments already have. Hide the loot under your bed and inflation will gradually erode its worth – although with Japan trialling negative interest rates, stuffing your mattress might yet be a good idea. But don’t hoard Euros – who knows what that will be worth in a year – go for dollars or better yet, gold.

The world is falling apart – South America appears to be fucked – Venezuela, Brazil, Argentina all riddled with corruption and dysfunctional government. Europe is struggling with immigration and identity crises and the popular ‘far right’ is feared by the commissioners who have decided to give themselves the power to ignore any democratically elected administrations they deem not to hold the views of the European dream. In America, Donald Trump, supported by many millions, is regularly harangued as some kind of Nazi. And meanwhile everywhere the rise of islam continues unchecked and largely ignored except by the howling voices of the Nazi-like, ‘anti-Nazis’. The BBC documentary about white flight from the East End only added more hateful grist to their perpetual milling.

So, who do you trust? Post Referendum Day, in or out, one thing won’t have changed – ‘they’ are not on your side. If anybody is expecting anything to be settled they will be sorely disappointed. The state will continue to increase its costs and the burden will continue to fall on the same shoulders. The NHS will remain in permanent crisis and we will lurch from one hated Parliament to the next. There can probably be no such thing as British independence any more; as a nation we are already history. There seems to be only one solution; take matters into your own hands and look after yourself.

Holidays will cost more? Take fewer holidays; the annual jetting off to the sun is a recent and unnecessary indulgence and often causes more strife than staying at home. Energy costs up and supplies uncertain? Learn to rely less on the certainty of cheap fuel; put on a jumper, walk to work if you can and turn the bloody lights off. Food prices rising? You already spend far too much on processed stuff that’s full of sugar; buy fresh, stop filling the fridge with anytime snacks and lose a few pounds of flab, fatty. 

If we can’t control who governs us – and the evidence all points that way – we should learn to rely less on that government and more on ourselves. Stand on your own two feet and be as self- sufficient as you possibly can; see how liberating that feels. Live within your own means and don’t expect anybody to top up those means; if you ‘need’ those tax credits and fear their loss the government has you where it wants you. Stop thinking the government is on your side – it is on nobody’s side but government. So, come the big day, vote whichever way you wish, it will probably make little difference. But do yourself and your family a favour; if we can’t free the country we might still have a chance of freeing ourselves.