The Robots Are Coming!

 In 1963, Harold Wilson spoke, with as much passion as the dour Yorkshireman could muster, of harnessing the white heat of technology. He wanted Britain to become a leader once again, an industrial giant, a powerhouse, if you will. Yesterday the charisma-free, black hole of charm, Keir Starmer, brought his Wilson tribute act to the screen and told us all, to our utter disbelief that he is determined to harness the power of AI.

Harness AI? I doubt he can even spell it. It wouldn’t surprise me if he thinks it is a southern version of the Geordie, “Way aye!” Or maybe he believes it is something to with levelling up and that the north in general could benefit from a good helping of “Ey up!” Whatever, I wonder what he thinks AI really is and if he has any grasp of what he is saying. Although, I have to admit I am looking forward to having my bins emptied by AI and my drains unblocked by Robo-Rod.

As with all things political, I have absolutely no faith that any of this has been thought through. A vague statement of getting with the programme or being left behind really doesn’t cut it. Perhaps he would be advised to consult some true industry experts who can put him straight. I’m thinking of Ed Miliband… on the downside, however, that is a more likely trajectory towards net-zero intelligence.

These who cheerlead for AI are a mixed bunch: The eggheads who foresee a life of indolence and luxury as the robots do the heavy lifting. The Luddite tendency which sees forever the coming of the age of robots, as Asimov imagined, which will one day supplant humanity. The manipulators who are already using AI to spread disinformation. And, of course, the rest of us, the little people who will have no say.

Of course, the obvious immediate reaction is to question whether Starmer is a real boy at all, and not an early prototype human-acting droid. A moment’s thought, however, would dismiss that idea; Two-tier, free-gear, no-idea Keir would fail the Turin test in three sentences. Nobody would believe he was human. Every time he speaks, the part of the population over 50 sees the shrivelled being inside the boss Dalek. No wonder Starmer himself has said he prefers Davros[sic] to Westminster.

At least they have fixed the “free the sausages” bug with the latest update, but therein lies another issue. First world problem it may be, but my how we rage against yet another Microsoft update. The computer virus which is politics today is forever resetting itself, shutting down all your tabs, rearranging your interface to make it unusable (I’m looking at you, Facebook) and claiming it as an upgrade.

I asked Grok to make me a robot Keir, 

but this just looks like normal Keir to me.

Well, this time maybe we do want the upgrade. We could download government which is pragmatic and bases decisions on what will work, not on what its ideological outcomes may be. A government unbiased by its cultural preferences and one which will automate the mundane aspects of governance. Given that 650 shouting faces do not seem capable of organising a piss-up in a distillery, maybe Starmer is right. Maybe it really is time we gave the robots a go.