Poll of Polls

In a poll of people who enjoy the attention of being regularly polled, 78% of those who just love to be consulted think that polls provide accurate insights into important matters of the day, regardless of the sample size, cohort demographic and quality of the questions, just so long as the exercise produces the right answer. There is a debate to be had as to what constitutes ‘the right answer’ but without drilling down deeply into the data it can be assumed to be whatever it was the poll set out to find in the first place.

So, following several decades in which the BBC’s popularity and relevance to the general population’s values, hopes and fears has suffered progressive decline it has come as no surprise that the latest poll finds no better than 50% satisfaction with the corporation’s offerings. When I say it comes as no surprise, I include Aunty herself, an organisation which is regularly slated for its soft, woke, lefty stance on everything by… well by about half the population.

What then, is the point of polling when the result is exactly what was expected? And given that any poll which doesn’t match your expectation is automatically derided as rigged, fake, or taken at at the wrong time or place by the ‘wrong’ people, why even bother at all? What is the point, why are there so many polls, and what do they bring to the nations’ health, well-being or prosperity?

There is such a thing as push-polling, where the published outcomes are intended to coerce the masses into believing a thing they don’t believe. You know all about them; Britain is institutionally racist, the EU was the only thing that prevented war in Europe, employees say that diversity is more important than competence, that sort of thing. Companies use polls to sell their products, governments to sell their policies. You can’t fucking breathe for polls, ever minute of every day of your choose-an-option life.

But does any of it improve anything? Given that the automatic reaction of most people to pollsters, in person, online, or on the phone is to shun them, the outcome of polling may be heavily influenced by those who have nothing better to do with their time. It could be just that some people actually feel important if they are asked their views, but should we listen to what such people think?

An entire sector of our economy is based on information, regardless of how accurate that information is, and right now accurate information could be literally life-saving. But the polling trade has never been concerned with accuracy. How much opinion, both lay and professional, is shaped by inaccurate polling - doubtful outputs shaped by dodgy inputs, results pre-ordained by political and other biases – and how many poor decisions have been made because of them?

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? 

No, it's just another fucking poll...

It is little wonder we don’t trust experts even when we lack the ability to make our own minds up, especially given that polls pull us one way then push us another. What I would really welcome is a proper investigation into this entire field; to what extent are polling activities impacting negatively on productivity, mental stability, national unity and harmony, etc? Because if, as I strongly suspect, polling is a big part of ‘the problem’ then the sooner it is exposed the better. Who’s with me?

Just Kipping?

Yesterday morning, on the Today programme, I heard Nick Clegg described as the most abused man in British politics. I suppose in BBC-Land that would ring true, given that in their closed world Nigel Farage simply does not exist if they shut their eyes and chant loudly enough. In truth the kind of people who make up the majority of the Beeb’s staffers could quite cheerfully insist that he is a figment even as they hold their nose and conduct a constantly interrupted interview with the leader of the third most popular party in the country. What, somebody other than Holy Labour actually listening to 'ordinary people'?  It. Does. Not. Compute. There is also plenty of anecdotal evidence of huge porky pies being told on doorsteps by activists of other parties and a failure to prompt for Ukip by polling organisations. What is everybody so scared of?

In support of the establishment thesis that Ukip is insignificant and thus by inference so are the opinions of those who will vote for them, the general election media coverage in the last 48 hours is steadfastly playing down any Kippery, unless of course it plays into the narrative that Ukip supporters are all unhinged, frothy-mouthed racists obsessed with and blaming every single ill on immigrants. Yet Ukip have categorically stated that it is not immigrants but uncontrollable, high-volume immigration, stemming from our membership of a political union that nobody was ever asked to join that is the root cause of our inability to arrange our own affairs sensibly. Hence the name; the United Kingdom Independence Party and not the United Kingdom Darkies Go Home Party.

Given that all the other outfits are similarly campaigning on stretch in the NHS, the ‘crisis’ in education and school places, a lack of housing, the downward pressure on wages and our creaking infrastructure, is it really too outlandish to surmise that a greater population than our society can comfortably accommodate may be contributory to every single one of those problems? And if – I hesitate to use the word - ‘mature’ parties like the Tories and Labour are insisting they will bring immigration under control despite the failure of both of them to actually do so, why is it that when Ukip flag up that particular failure this is taken as proof positive of their ‘vile’ racial hatred?

Fruitcakes, loonies, ignorant, ill-educated, racist rabble? There are poor spellers, bigots, verbally incontinent morons and deluded fools voting for every political party in the land, statistically in easily greater numbers for red and blue than for purple. Some idiot children will vote Labour because Russell Brand told them to, some others will vote Green… because Russell Brand told them to. But only the ‘Kippers are racist? Maybe they just got fed up of voting for more of the same, but if it’s racism you really want, look no further than those cuddly third-world communities so beloved of one party in particular.

Do fuck off back home, dear...

I don’t have any such misty-eyed recollections as John Major’s “long shadows on county cricket grounds, warm beer, green suburbs, dog lovers, and old maids cycling to Holy Communion through the morning mist.” I know it wasn’t like that for the majority. But I do have very real memories of growing up in what felt like the best country in the world. The country that had saved - actually saved - the world from Hitlerian fascism. Whoever you vote for, surely wanting to prevent us 'sleepwalking' into becoming just another EU sub-regional backwater is a legitimate ambition to recognise and not just to slap down with hysterical slurs. Is Britain just 'Kipping? Or is it waking up?