All for one?

The protesting classes have been out in force and emboldened by Labour’s current massive poll lead, are doing what they do best, encouraging impotent hope. People who have never before marched are taking to the streets to ‘do their bit’ and swell the ranks, and presumably the word ‘solidarity’ is doing a lot of heavy lifting. But look who is leading the charge and you’ll see it is the same old union stalwarts and diehard class warriors.

Starmer is probably right to urge his MPs not to stand on picket lines because the rise of the left and their supposed championing of the common man is as bad for moderate Labour as it is for the Tories. The blues are, of course, the eternal enemy, so to the extent that such protests turn people against what they imagine the Conservatives actually stand for plays Labour’s way. And the terrible optics of the first skirmishes of the new Truss administration must surely push voters still further to the left.

But the danger here is that with a taste for socialist rhetoric and with the scent of blood in their nostrils, formerly moderate types may be persuaded to go full-Momentum and make the same mistakes that socialist agitators usually make. The assumption that this common man is more biddable from a socialist standpoint than from a small ‘c’ conservative position needs a critical second look. Because the ultimate aims of the left are a long way out of line with the aspirations of the average worker.

Positions on immigration, social justice, education, the role of the state, national sovereignty, defence, energy security, policing and the ever-widening identitarian movements reveal complex challenges, challenges which defeat thinkers across the political spectrum in terms of simple solutions. To take just one, immigration; why if immigration is supposed to be so good for us, has no government managed to convince the population of this beneficence?

Back in June this year ordinary, decent people found it frankly incredible that an unwashed mob could prevent police from carrying out their duties to detain and deport. But in the heads of the Peckham Peaceniks, they were doing god’s work, with the backing of certain members of the legal profession. Once, parents would proudly declare that their son or daughter was a lawyer. Today they could be excused for feeling let down and even ashamed.

The same sense of entitlement to action is seen with other extreme protest groups who willingly engage in disruptive campaigns which cause real harm to the ability of our common man to go about his business and earn a living. Extinction Rebellion, Just Stop Oil, the statue topplers… You may ask, in what world can their actions be right just because they believe it is? You have to wonder who gives such people the authority to carry out their sabotage when the police effectively stand down in their presence.

The left is intellectually lazy. In assuming without question a morally superior basis for their beliefs, they promulgate their simplistic portrayals of cruel Conservatism, of government against the people, of graft and corruption at the top, as if they would be above such human frailties. Moribund tropes about inequality wash up hard on the rocky shores of legions of underprivileged white workers who see not only no reward for their efforts but opprobrium for their skin colour. White privilege? Do us all a favour.

So, support the strikers, march through our city centres, protest all you like. But what are you achieving, other than a day out and a sense of camaraderie? Maybe this is enough, maybe you can convince yourself that you did your bit, that you are a part of the solution. Or, rather, have you just fallen for the fictions of a failed ideology, risen to the rabble-rousing rhetoric of the union blowhards?

What are you rebelling against?

What have you got?

Revolution is just not the British way; there is a reason that the Conservatives are the natural party of UK government, and while they may appear to have lost their way recently, I’m pretty certain that the perpetually enraged and warring factions of the alternatives have little to offer. The organised events of Enough is Enough are impressive in their reach, but will, I believe, achieve little as tomorrow we all go back to work and look after number one.

Living in Harmony

Why is it somehow never anything to do with islam? A survey reveals the damning truth that far too many 'moderate' muslims do not really oppose extremism at all. Thank goodness other religions don't demand the same blind adherence to the irrational...

Another day brings yet another attack on the benighted followers of the religion of harmony, a religion that brings nothing but joy and peace to the world. That and silky, shiny hair. Since I converted so as to offer my life to harmony in the late nineteen seventies I have seen this country change. We live simple lives of devotion and charity and in our modesty we cover our heads. In hair; very big hair, to which we must attend at least five times a day. Of course, the charity in which we strongly believe begins at home, which is why we are unable to take up full time jobs and must throw ourselves on the mercy of the state for subsistence. The hairspray alone takes up most of our welfare cheque. That and all the bloody kids that just seem to happen.

But where once our golden, flowing, bouncy locks were not only tolerated but welcomed in to broaden the cultural base and beautify Britain, now we are treated with suspicion and yes, harmonophobia is rife. In a recent survey almost 80% of harmonims said they found it deeply offensive when cartoon images depicting the prophet were published. The prophet is sacred to us and to insult her by using any but the officially sanctioned image (below) is blasphemous and must not go unpunished. We waited a long time and endured the hostility towards us but the recent scalpings of BBC comedy commissioners in vengeance for the hairspray-related comic sketches of the nineteen eighties are entirely justified and the majority of moderate harmonims fully sympathise with these actions.

And although almost 95% of us would never think of attacking people who use other grooming products we all nonetheless understand the deeply rooted and righteous anger which drove a minority of the faithful to lob burning aerosol bombs into salons which did not believe in harmony. We, the moderate harmonims wish to live peacefully side by side with the advocates of TRESemmé while quietly nodding in support and funding the hostilities of a small handful of extremists who are killing those unbelievers but not practising real harmony. Oh no; we harbour them, support them and generally agree with them, but they don’t firebomb other product users in our name. They are not harmonims; they are harmonists, which is a crucial distinction.

But where are the thanks we deserve for pretending we don’t secretly applaud the violence? There must be tolerance and understanding from the ugly, lank-haired worker scum who pay taxes to fund our peaceful way of live. Without them practising tolerance for us and giving us preferential treatment in all things there can be no peace. While we live as second-class citizens in our taxpayer funded homes with our taxpayer funded Sky-TV Beauty Channel subscriptions and our taxpayer funded hairdresser schools we will forever be denied the supremacy that is our right.

The holy prophetess of harmony

Harmony means peace and harmonims live a life of peace and love. But take the name of our hairspray in vain and the full wrath of hairspray hell will come down on your heads. It’s not our fault, our goddess demands it… or does she?