Frozen

An un-named fourteen-year old girl who died from cancer has posthumously won a court battle to allow her body to be cryogenically frozen in the hope that one day we will have the ability to revive and cure her. It was popularly supposed that Walt Disney’s body had been frozen after he died in 1966, but if this was true I expect his prior cremation may mitigate against him doing a Lazarus any century soon.

The first person widely known to actually be deposited in a cryogenic vault was James Bedford, in 1967. Examination of his body 24 years later suggests that he is, at the very least, still poorly. But seriously, who would want to commit themselves to the permafrost in the hope that one day you may be brought precariously back to a form of life? Would you have to live forever on life support; would your organs function independently, or at all? Would you retain memory and if so, how would you feel knowing that everybody who was part of your life had been dead for possibly hundreds of years?

And what sort of a society would you wake up to? In Woody Allen’s 1973 film, Sleeper, the re-animated protagonist discovers that all his beliefs have been proved false. What if you were to wake up to discover that there really is a vengeful god whose name is allah... or that there has been final proof that no god exists? Will things be so much better, with high-technology finally delivering all its longed for promises? Or will the Earth have succumbed to all the portents of the tech-hating Green evangelists, reducing humans to once more grubbing about in the dirt?

You may wake to find that, in a post-politics, post-order world your newly galvanised status has value... as a curiosity in a freak show. Or what if you are the first to be brought back and you find you are the sacred icon of a morbid cult? Imagine if you woke up and found you were the last white person on the planet? Or – and this would be the kicker for me – what if the world you wake up to in 2217 is... exactly the same as the one you went to sleep in; with a preserved-forever President Trump and the UK still waiting to invoke Article 50 of the Lisbon Treaty... and Nicola Sturgeon still strutting her grumpy stuff in all the papers every day?

Wakey wakey rise and shine!

It all sounds far too much of a risk to me. The only possible reason I might want a glimpse into the future would be to see how wrong all the current predictions are, or possibly to look up the long-odds-come-good results on which to place bets in the here and now. In the meantime I think I will restrict my forays into the frozen world to watching the telly and finding out why Mums go to Iceland.

The EU Okey-cokey

We live in a world where, if you want to avoid telesales callers you have to sign up to the Telephone Preference Service to opt out of participation in that modern-day torture of having to proactively say no to pests who are, in effect, violating your privacy. If your job demands that you work long hours, or you voluntarily put in overtime you have to formally opt out of the European Working Time Directive. The same principle, however, does not appear to apply to Iceland’s wish to withdraw its application for EU membership.

There are rules about withdrawing, it seems; it’s not good enough to just step out of the queue as you would in, say, the Post Office. The EU Commission says that the Icelandic government's letters are not enough to remove Iceland from the list of EU candidate countries and it will need to send the Council of the European Union a new letter formally withdrawing it. But this is the best bit: “if such a letter would reach the Council it would then request the opinion of the Commission. Based on that opinion the Council would take its decision whether Iceland would or would not be removed from the candidate countries list.”

Am I reading this right? This makes it harder for a country not to join the EU than it is to get taken off the Reader’s Digest mailing list. The presumption in both cases must be that you didn’t mean it, really. Even insurance companies have to give you a cooling off period in which to change your mind. There has been talk of making organ donation a presumed consent transaction whereby you have to say a definite no in advance if you don't want your body parts harvested. How much longer before the commission’s default supposition is that all countries in what are deemed to be the EU’s boundaries are automatically candidates for membership and must formally retract that status, with tanks if necessary?

David Cameron has ‘promised’ to hold a referendum if he gets back into power. But given the likely coalition that will be needed to keep him in Number Ten, will he even be permitted to pass the enabling legislation? And the EU has considerable form on denying democracy - ask France, ask Holland, ask Ireland. Actually, closer to home, just look at what they did to Britain’s ‘watertight’ opt-out on the charter on fundamental rights, rendered meaningless by the European courts of justice.

I'm too small, throw me back!

The EU strategy is plain; denial. “We didn’t get your email. I’m sorry, this is a terrible line. Maybe it got lost in the post? We are experiencing heavy volumes of traffic just now, please call back later…” And so it goes. You can call for a vote as much as you like, but once you’re through the EU door, you’re staying and there’s an end to it. You may as well hang your coat back up and put on your slippers and cardie; you're going nowhere, you're on the list. If nothing else this sorry tale ought to make you think long and hard before signing up to LinkedIn