Showing posts with label blogging. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blogging. Show all posts

Monday, 29 February 2016

Bloggery

Why do I write a blog? Maybe it’s because I’ve been faffing about for years trying to write a bloody novel and haven’t the patience for the longer form. Maybe it’s because in all my life I have never found the physical forum to have the kind of conversation I imagine might be possible if everybody was on my wavelength. Or maybe it’s because, apart from comments which I can moderate, I have full editorial and engagement control. Why argue when I can just block and go? (Actually, I rarely block; it’s funnier watching them rant away.)

Picking a topic is usually the easiest thing to do as I always listen to Radio 4 on my journey to and from work and there is usually plenty to bang on about; politics, money, politics, ‘studies show’ reports, politics, climate science, the energy debate and more politics. Actually it’s all politics, really isn’t it? In the absence of verifiable hard facts that everybody can understand the great debates of the day are reduced to soundbites promoting partisan positions. The big deal right now is, of course, the referendum on Britain’s membership of the EU and oh what a load of politics it is.

How in the world is anybody just looking for simple clarity going to get answers to the very real questions and concerns they have about such issues? The Remain campaign is very openly threatening Tory MPs if they dare to challenge the ‘official’ line and smearing the dissenters at every press briefing and leak. But the Leavers are hardly covering themselves in glory, with internecine squabbling and power plays forever derailing the coherent message of hope they want to spread.

It’s the same with climate change; if somebody with impeccable scientific credentials tells you it’s for real you will be inclined to believe. But when somebody equally august tells you not only that it isn’t happening but that the first bloke was paid to deliver his message and backs it up with examples of influential decision-makers in the thrall of big oil, big solar, big wind, with statements that later turn out to be 'out of context', how are you to separate fact from fiction?

It’s to be hoped that social media, like Twitter, allows on-the-spot reports of actual events, but even then it depends what you are being shown, who is showing you it and as ever, who is paying for it. We should always ask ourselves who stands to gain, but then again, how do you do that if you have neither the raw data nor the means to analyse them? All we can do is pass everything through the prism of our own experience and prejudices and come up with a ‘truth’ we can be happy with.



But don’t worry, help is at hand and here’s the science bit: I use Occam’s Razor – scientifically proven to be the very best analytical razor money can’t buy. Try it you’ll like it It’s so simple even a Labour supporter could do it! But here’s the best bit – if you are not absolutely satisfied we will refund every penny, no quibble. Or was I paid to say that?

Saturday, 2 May 2015

Political Piss Take

The thing I probably write most often about is not having anything to write about, or else having far too many options and not knowing which one to go with. Either way the topic of my daily five-hundred word diatribe is often only decided as I start to flail away blindly at the keyboard. You can usually tell whether the post has undergone a long gestation of cautious deliberation, or whether it has been rattled off in ten minutes. Yes, you guessed it, the spontaneous ones generally get the best reception, while the idea-eggs I lay many hours before sometimes hatch out as ugly ducklings, rather than the regal swans I imagine them to be. That’s my problem, I reckon; overthinking.

Thankfully such affliction is rarely visited upon our glorious leaders. On Thursday night Ed said there would be no deal with the SNP, by Friday even his own supporters were briefing that of course there will be, if it proves politic. A Ukip spokesman said cap immigration and the very next day Nigel Farage said don’t. David Cameron supports Child Benefit which he would never discuss the possibility of maybe considering thinking about possibly reforming, but that doesn’t mean a cut… and the next day still nobody knows what he intends. And some time ago Nick Clegg said something about tuition fees, but I expect that will have been forgotten by the time you read this.

You’d think that maybe they could have had a meeting, or at the very least sent a round-robin email. Given that the election campaign is effectively their job interview you’d imagine that every political party would want to look less like an Alan Sugar's Apprentice-style Team-Tossers and a little bit more Red Arrows. They wouldn’t even need to fly in such close formation so much as just travel more or less in the same direction. Maybe they should all get a Digby Jones or a Gordon Ramsey… or a Bear Grylls to boot-camp them into shape before letting loose their half-assed ideas on an increasingly difficult-to-please voting public.

I can just about begin to see the appeal of Russell Brand, or Natalie Bennett; they may have ideas that would make a box of frogs appear sane, but at least their lunatic inconsistencies have a bizarre internal logic of their own… for all we know their policies may make perfect sense on their home planets. But we are not electing entertainment; we are trying to pick a team to compete on the global economic stage. Is it too much to ask that they at least get their lies straight? Because we know we’re being lied to, of course, it would just be nice for it to look like they’d made the effort to pretend otherwise.

Politics and alcohol do mix.
Now there's an idea!

What’s the alternative to the traditional hustings hysteria? What could replace the good old stump when you need a tub-thump? What could a party do to convince us that they meant business, that they were a serious concern with a mission they intended to see through to the bitter end? I’ve had enough of weasel words, I want to see a potential future government in action. To that end I suggest that they all compete to organise a practical task; gather a bunch of unrelated people in a traditional work place, ply them with booze and get them to thrash out their differences. At least that way we could finally get to elect a party that can actually organise a piss up in a brewery.

Saturday, 17 November 2012

Top of the Pops!

Well, it's been a record-breaking week for the blog. On Tuesday we hit the best one-day view count with the Denis McShame interview thrusting into the number one slot at 409, for which many thanks to Rob and his co-bloggers at I like being right. But every day this week has seen well over 200 views and at the time of typing When I'm King has welcomed over 1500 visitors for the week.

There's a long way to go to beat Bora Bora at 2833 all-time views, but from a standing start at the end of July 2011, I'm pretty chuffed. To think that I can enrage a couple of hundred people a day. And what's more, it's a been a bit of an international affair.

United Kingdom
21793
United States
8753
Germany
2044
Russia
1944
France
410
Ireland
385
Canada
358
Australia
308
South Africa
171
Turkey
163

So, a great big, hearty thank you to all my regulars and welcome to anybody who's stumbled onto this stinking pile of malodorous malcontent by accident.

I'll be back with more bile after the weekend! You can count on it...