We never quite understood why the British had to hold
that referendum, way back in 2016. It was like a kick in the teeth after the EU
had done so much and bent over so far backwards to accommodate the pretensions
of the British government. Pretensions that Britain was somehow different from
the rest of us; better, even. Pretensions that Britain deserved a loftier place
in the group, that it should have a special status in the union. The referendum
was a tense time but when they voted the right way things settled back down and
we could get on with the business of bringing forward the plans that had been
held in abeyance even as we held our breath.
As a united Europe we are uniquely privileged and enjoy
advantages that many countries do not. We have full employment once again;
everybody who is able has a job. Of course since the rationing of fossil fuels for
non-party officials was put in place there are many more physical jobs. Human
and animal muscle power is once again a major resource so labour commands a
decent price and we are all now paid an equal, living wage which is more than
enough for our needs. We know this is so because Brussels economists have
calculated it and we are told it daily by the public broadcasts when they also
inform us of our productivity rates. It would be nice to be able to have our own
televisions like they used to, but it is vital that we save precious resources
and preserve the planet and besides, attending the broadcasts gives us a greater
sense of community.
That camaraderie also gets us through our working days in
the fields. We mostly eat vegetables now, as growing crops absorbs carbon dioxide
and is much less damaging than rearing livestock. Of course, the Eurocrats have
to host other nation states from outside Europe all the time, so they need to
serve meat at the regular state banquets. This is an example of how the party
officials make a greater sacrifice for the good of the union – we are all
taught at school that eating meat causes cancer, so this shows how brave our
leaders are. We are kept safer and healthier by eating soya instead.
Work for all!
Food is a much bigger focus now than it was before. Because
we spend so much time growing it and spend so much of our household incomes
buying it. So it is also to our benefit that the commission decided to
introduce the Communities Act some thirty years ago. To accommodate the needs
of our new citizens – Africa, like Turkey, although not a full, fee-paying
member of the EU has full freedom of movement – we were all rehoused in brand
new, super apartments with enough bedrooms for our welcome guests. We now have
huge families as a result of obeying the directive to ‘match a migrant’; for
every original family member we now have a vibrant and diverse addition. And
rape isn’t the problem that some warned about; it has simply been decriminalised
on cultural accommodation grounds.
So, after all the divisions and emotive language and all
the old enmities that the British referendum brought up it was a relief to us
all that they voted to discontinue their membership and leave us in peace in
Europe. Nobody over here much bothers with them any more and not much news ever
reaches us from Little Britain. For all we know they are still eating meat,
like savages, and driving all over their poxy little island in cars, destroying
the planet. And living in pathetic little individual houses... and not paying
for the privilege.
