Who Cares?

I don’t know, you wait ages for a crisis to come along and then… For over three months we’ve been locked down under house arrest while the world’s scientists (and every other expert on Twitter) works out how to contain the spread of Covid-19, but keep the economy viable. In the first few weeks the 5G nutters started burning masts because of some crazy link they cooked up between microwaves, oxygen, the virus and Bill Gates. Then along came the Marxist-Anarchist alliance under the cover of Black Lives matter and began ripping into our history and culture.

That appears to have reached its apotheosis and as it fades back to being the minor issue it really is, the only real lasting effect being a renewed and heightened distrust between blacks and whites, blacks and Asians, Asians and whites and any other identity politics meddler who wishes to play. The only certainty is that everybody is racist, but only white people are really racist because we supposedly benefit from being white. Well, we did make all the toys, so…

But hey, that was then this is now and Extinction Rebellion, our favourite idiot child of protest is back to stink up the place. Not content with digging up university frontages, parking pink yachts in Piccadilly, gluing themselves to stuff and providing a platform for Dame Emma Thompson to demonstrate exactly how gullible, hypocritical and downright silly she is, they are now aiming to dominate political discourse for the near future.

Their plan? To kidnap Pilates’s wife, take her back, issue demands. Wait, that was Life of Brian, wasn’t it? No, they intend to prevent Parliament from sitting after the summer recess unless the government yields to them on three specific demands. Expect amusing footage of crusty hippies and their groomed cohort of Thunderbergers standing about in amusing costumes, entertaining us with interpretive dance and generally harming their own cause. (This seems to have become something of a theme with modern protest movements, largely because they are only ever protesting and rarely proposing viable solutions.)

A statement on their website says: “We’re not going to let them back in until they agree to start anew with justice, care and life at the heart of it. From September 1^st we will peacefully blockade the UK Parliament in London until they promise that the first thing they’ll do is debate our three demands.” Peacefully? They are going to disrupt the lives of many Londoners going about their lawful business; I can feel the resentment building already. Way to go to facilitate meaningful debate, fellas!

The circus is back in town...

The demands? Well, here we go. Number One: That the Government must declare a climate and ecological emergency and work with other institutions to communicate the urgency for change. Correct me if I’m wrong but barely a day goes by without some government twonk or other communicating to us about the climate and ecological disaster that will result from Brexit. Maybe I have my wires crossed a little but, seriously, it is never out of the news. Consider that demand entirely fulfilled.

Demand Number Two: The Government to act immediately to halt biodiversity loss and reduce greenhouse gas emissions to net zero by 2025. Phew, well I’m glad it’s only a small thing they want. Nothing less than the complete cessation of fossil fuel transport, electricity generation and heating by a week on Tuesday. Given that no technologies are even close to replacing the stuff that actually works this means the giving up of everything which makes our world work, almost immediately. (They’ll have a real issue organising future protests without the internet but no doubt they have some system of semaphore rigged up.)

And finally, Demand Number Three is the creation of a "Citizens’ Assembly" on climate and ecological justice. Well, they already have that; it’s them. Most regular citizens are concerned with raising their families, putting roofs over their heads and food in their bellies and surviving long enough to have few years off before they die. The only ones who can be arsed with ‘climate and ecological justice’ are planning on blockading Parliament in September. And nobody really cares what they think.