Tilly_E (on request)

Once upon a time there was a sweet little girl called @Tilly_E. She loved to skip and sing and plait her hair and play with the flowers and chase butterflies up and down the Dingly Dell, all day long in the summer sunshine. "Hello, Mr horse!" she would cry out to Dobbin, the mighty Shire. "Hello, Mrs Moo-cow!" she would sing to Ermintrude, who provided milk for her tea, and "Thank you!" she would say to the little chucky hen who made the eggs for breakfast. All was happy and bright, down on the farm

Then, one day she went to the big city and heard about S. E. (I'll have to spell out the last bit) EX and things were never the same again. She wrote about it, she talked about it and sometimes she even displayed pictures about it and this made her very giggly and very popular. She thought of nothing else, all day long and told everybody who would listen, how much she wanted some.

She prayed every night for some and she even sent requests to Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy, but sex came there none. Until one day, quite unannounced, a burly man cast a shadow across her doorstep. "Is it about the sex?" she asked, excitedly, "do you have something for me?"

"That I have, ma'am" replied the burly one, "where do you want it?"

"Ooooh!" squealed Tilly_E "Over here please!"

She shut her eyes tightly and held her breath. She heard the man, his breathing laboured, make his way to her. As he leaned over her she felt his hot breath on her cheek; he smelled of sweat and toil and she squirmed in her seat in anticipation. A heavy thump, a breath of air and suddenly he was gone. Tilly opened her eyes and looked in disbelief at the dirty object in front of her chair. "Bollocks!" she exclaimed, under her breath.

Sex, Tilly... it's what rich people get their coal delivered in.