Grand

There is a certain sector of society that just has to make everything complicated – it’s what they live for. For clarity, yes, I am lumping together all of the following into this ‘sector of society’ for they have more in common than what separates them. Ready? Here we go... it’s a long list. Firstly, anybody who declares themselves as feminist – this goes almost without saying. Next, all who proudly assume the mantle and martyrdom that goes with any of the characters in LGBTQQIAP2S+. Add in those with ‘activist’ in their twitter handle and anybody who thinks that ‘liberal’ means telling other people what to think.  Anarchists; they’re twats as well...

Corbynistas of all kind, in fact all sorts of ‘ista’. Guardian devotees, social justice warriors, all students who believe that universities should protect them from hearing things they don’t like and all lecturers/teachers who spread that message. Anybody associated with the New Labour travesty, anybody associated with the Old Labour travesty and anybody who is actually British who refers to themselves, all the fucking time, as a ‘proud European’. I should add that this list isn’t exhaustive but you get the point; you see the direction of travel. Reaching for one word to lump them under I would say ‘joyless’ is reasonably accurate as a start.

While engaged in their mission to promote diversity by turning everybody into the exact same kind of yowling baby they stop at nothing to prevent the rest of us (I’d say, at a wild guess, about 52% of us) having a chuckle. No subject is off-limits to the offence police. So, what’s their latest target for hate and proscription? A show they have to choose to watch has upset some gays. Not all gays – plenty are quite man enough to giggle along – but those in the LGBTQQIAP2S+ pot are fewmin! It wasn’t enough that they killed Top Gear, they now want to kill its devil-spawn The Grand Tour.

Why? Because Jeremy Clarkson, James May and in particular Richard Hammond have dared to carry on doing exactly what their fans pay them to do; take the piss. They take the piss out of each other – ho ho ho! They take the piss out of cars we will never be able to afford to drive – what larks! And they take pot-shots at the establishment which, frankly, jolly well deserves it. But, oh dear, what is this on the horizon? A bit of amusing banter between heterosexual males? About gays and gayness... gayitude? How very dare they! “I have as much a sense of humour as the next man but that shit is off limits! Gay soldiers fought on the beaches of Normandy so we would never have to listen to free speech like that again!” they may very well have said.

Sod Aleppo, sod the bloodbath that the Middle East has become. Stuff the increasingly violent behaviour of the ravening hordes swamping European countries right now. Who cares that the whole civilised world is in turmoil; the throbbers have sparked up the fire of indignation and the offence du jour – correction, du yesterjour – is some words. How dare The Hamster commit the offence of casual homophobia! Listen up: if you are gay, casual homophobia is the least of your worries. Because one of the biggest threats to our society engages in active and extreme and very well organised homophobia; nothing casual about it.

One small step for a gay man...

When you are standing in line on the roof of a tall building you might want to reflect on how your reaction to this flimsiest of possible excuses for having a hissy fit contributed to your presence in the queue. As you shuffle towards the edge, clad in your orange jumpsuit you may want to wish that the old white men you hate so much were still around to look after the freedoms you so wantonly threw away. Lighten up lads; have an ice cream...