Sorry!

I am sorry if you are out of work. I feel for you if you are a struggling single parent and I really wish you all a decent life, whoever you are and whatever you do, or don’t do. Nobody should have to struggle in what is still one of the richest countries in the world. So, I apologise on behalf of the nation should you find yourself in straits which, if not truly dire are, somewhat less than optimal. But there is also something else I am sorry about; I’m sorry you feel the need to live beyond my means.

You see, unless you are in gainful employment, earning enough to cover all your costs and accepting no benefits, you contribute nothing to the public purse and the fruits of your loins are highly likely to follow in your footsteps. We get no labour from you, no worthwhile intellectual contribution and whereas I have no objection to us all chipping in a few bob to help you out, you seem to constantly have your hand deep in my pockets. It takes three of me paying in for every one of you taking out. And that is just for your keep; if you have children you can’t afford we need at least another one of me for each one of them.

On top of that we have defence to pay for. Then there are roads, schools, public health, the costly burden of government and all the many fingers in many pies that come with that bloated sector. Still more, we have to pay for the EU to order us about, we have to fund the ruinous ambitions of the UN, keep up our contributions to NATO and of course there’s that £14billion we throw away every year to help India and Pakistan with their space and nuclear ambitions... not to mention funding gold-plated Kalashnikovs and Lamborghinis for African despots.

It really is quite a burden. Out of what’s left I need to feed myself and mine, cover the costs of keeping a roof over our heads, keep a car on the road so I can get to work and maybe, from time to time, afford a short break to recharge the batteries. Oh and there is also my pension fund to build, because I’m not expecting my taxes to fund both your pension and mine. And on the subject of pensions, I still have to feed, clothe and house the millions of migrants who we are told we need, expressly to cover the cost of those pensions. Until we get a financially competent exchequer, this situation isn’t likely to change any time soon.

Now, I do understand that all this whining is not going to get me very far, but I’m sure you will forgive me if your demands – not pleas, or apologetic entreaties for assistance, but actual demands, the insistence on your ‘human rights – fall on ears that become deafer each year. I’m afraid that there is only so much sympathy I can muster as I have other calls on my time. So, please excuse me; I have to go to work to keep you in the style to which you have become accustomed. Do have a lovely day in front of the telly!