Clever People

Lately, I have been curious about clever people. They are everywhere and being very clever they like to teach us many things we stupid people are just too sluggish to figure out for ourselves. Clever people are better than not-clever people and I, for one, am grateful that we live in a world where we have clever people to show us the way. But one thing I have noticed about clever people is that when we stupid people don’t understand their point they get angry and call us ‘scum’ and other not-nice words. I think this might be because they believe this is the only language we understand. They are probably right; after all, they are much cleverer than we are.

For instance, clever people know that the earth is warming. Or that it is cooling. We stupid people lack the intellectual capacity to hold these two opposing views simultaneously, so the clever people try not to burden us with facts which, to the untrained eye sometimes appear to be more speculative than real, evidence-based observations. I have probably already over-stretched my limited mental capacity by using the long word ‘speculative’, without understanding properly what it means. I expect a clever person will point this out to me as ‘an end to the argument’.

Clever people are much nicer than stupid people. This is why almost all clever people are left-wing types who understand that the rich must pay for everything. In this way they can dissuade people from becoming rich people because that makes them hateful. In fact many very clever people have been demonstrating against one particular rich person this weekend. They understand – in a way that I never possibly could – that rich people paying tax is disgusting, especially because they pay so much more tax than poor, stupid people.

I am grateful this has been pointed out for me because without the clever people I would have gone on believing that rich people paying all the tax the law demands was a good thing, when clearly it is not. Clever, rich people – those on the left, for instance – are allowed to reduce their taxes, apparently, but I am not clever enough to work out why. I have, however, deduced from all this that paying tax is wrong because the more tax you pay, the more the clever people hate you. People like Polly Toynbee. And they should know.

Cameron must go... and publish his tax details. Oh...

Clever people know that the world is binary – you are either one of them (clever) or else stupid. The stupid are too stupid to accept this and believe that there are grades of cleverness. But we are wrong; one is either clever or not. You see, we didn't think David Cameron's tax affairs were particularly interesting but we were wrong. Clever people knew better and as a result of them saying so, it seems we will soon be able to see how much tax everybody else has paid or avoided. A lot of Labour MPs will now be doing a lot of shredding and rewriting history as a result. Sometimes I wonder if the clever people are really as clever as they think they are.