The way we are...

An article in the Guardian on the new-age phenomenon of Climate Fear raised the question about the morality of bringing a child into a doomed world. Well, let’s face it, snowflakes, we’re all doomed anyway, so another millennium of human misery isn’t going to amount to  hill of beans. As a basic assumption the author had this to say: “The decision whether or not to have a child is one of the bigger ones a person will make in life – often the biggest.” Ah, me, the delusions of the Guardianistas. Not only is this incorrect, it defies simple human nature, which is not to think at all about such trivial matters.

For many in this blighted land, any decision over whether to have children is less important than whether or not to order a second KFC bargain bucket. At least insofar as the bucket decision will be considered before the fact, not mulled over afterwards. Humans, as has been observed many times, are fundamentally poor at making big decisions. Small ones, yes – some will agonise for weeks over a frivolous purchase – but big ones, such as what to do with one’s life, or whether to create another, just because you can, are often the result of simple inertia, a failure to resist the gravity of events around you.

Fortune favours the brave they say, but one man’s courageous stunt is another man’s chip wrapper, which mention of takeaway food cues up nicely this story about airborne curry. This was an obvious April Fool’s Day hoax, except it dates from last November. The owner of a Milton Keynes curry restaurant wants to get a licence for drone-delivered dupiaza. This is a classic example of how human planning so often ignores human nature. Imagine, if you will, a low-hovering, curry-toting quadcopter coming within range of the arsenal available on the average estate where much of this mid-air madras may be headed. Air pistols, rifles, shotguns, catapults or just a good old close-range stick - when the shami hits the fan, make sure you’re not wearing white.

Climate change? What WERE they thinking?

Of course, the likely culprits, not being the brightest, will probably be well within spatter range, but curry stains can be got rid of – unlike the future generations of scrupulously, spotless-minded, green-leaning kids born to Guardian columnists, indoctrinated from birth to view the human mission as the saving of a planet that couldn’t care less if you save it or not. At least the unplanned progeny of the lower orders is capable of having a laugh; as the Shameless character Frank Gallagher opined: “...the most vital necessity is this life is they know how to throw a PARTY! Heh heh... Scatter!”