Well, comrades, what a glorious day for socialism it was
yesterday. I am fresh from the picket lines with the stirring songs of the sons
of toil still ringing through my savage breast. My brave, brave children stood
resolute in the face of mild spring weather and learned the valuable, real life
lessons which will stay with them for the rest of their days and ensure that in
the struggle for hearts and minds, right will always prevail.
Oh how my heart sang as they waved their dear little junior
placards at the passing traffic and shouted “Tory scum!” at all the blue cars. How
dare this monstrous, police state dictatorship impose their horrific social engineering
and propaganda on MY children. How dare the evil Tories attempt to inculcate in
my innocent offspring the dangerous and discredited principle of reward for endeavour, for do we
not live in a world of plenty, where all may share, according to their need?
When Jocasta and Nelson informed me of the interrogation –
for no other word could describe their hell that awaited them at school - I
was horrified. That a nine-year old should recognise a noun, know when to capitalise
a word and that a sentence ends in a full-stop is knowledge that no pre-teen
should have to endure. Measuring academic achievement is, quite simply, a tool
of the extreme right and we should defend with our last breath the rights of
our children to oppose such indoctrination.
Instead, they should be learning of the wondrous
possibilities which lie ahead, of futures filled with happiness and hope and
the sheer joys of gender choice, intersectionality and miscegenation instead of
this capitalist bile. And speaking of bile, we all clapped mightily and spontaneously
– this was absolutely not an orchestrated, politically motivated protest – when Nelson spat right in
the face of an unenlightened girl in school uniform and yelled “Scab!” at her as
she tried to enter the school gates.
She broke down in tears, which did make us question our
privileges for a moment, but we quickly realised that we had justice on our
side. After all, she will probably end up in the 80% of primary leavers who can
actually read and write; the hated, bloody elites! Who needs to possess the skills
of naked capitalism when there are people at the DWP who will fill in your benefit
claims form on your behalf? No, it is time all we caring parents stood together
and stood firm against the hated government. To this end we finished the
demonstration with a rousing medley of anti-Thatcher folk songs.
Normal socialist children, yesterday...
I vowed that the Tory government will not infect my
children. The Tory government will NOT force them into work they do not wish to
do. My children will grow up free and strong and independent of state
interference in their lives. They will do as they wish, as is their right and
no matter what the obstacles that await them they will overcome. Tomorrow I am enrolling
them in private school.
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