Monday, 15 May 2017

Tory Monsters

I swear they are getting worse. The already turbulent waters of social media are becoming a frothing, churning maelstrom of increasingly fantastic claims by the left about the motives and morals of Conservative voters. Every individual instance of less than the politically determined amount of bleeding heart compassion for all god’s creatures is seized upon as proof positive that the Tory heart is a black and evil one. The meme-o-sphere is alight with indignation and disturbed imaginings.

Yes! We’ll bring back fox hunting! Because nothing says ‘Tory mindset and values’ quite as clearly as taking pleasure in the ritualistic slaughter of terrified woodland animals!” shouts the slogan on the photoshopped side of a Conservative Party branded mug. No doubt, in the fevered imagination of the acolytes of Corbyn, tea-towels exist which proudly depict the prone corpse of a newly shot peasant, his former master posing with one foot on an upturned buttock, an ear-to-ear grin on his face, while his beaters flush out a newly created orphan, just for the sport.

Oh yes, the Tories believe in taking pleasure in cruelty at least as much as The Labours want to barcode everybody, implant electrodes in their brains and link them up to the Matrix, mere cogs in the machinery of state. Were anybody on the nominally right-wing side of the argument to actually believe any such thing, one could say that both positions are ludicrous, each side believing the horror-tales of their own narrative, but I don’t think any such equivalence exists. For a start, given that on-balance Tory voters are net payers-in to the state, they are far too busy managing their own lives to be overly concerned about what the net recipients actually think about them.

Watching the ravings of the left is just an amusing diversion for us. We wish them no harm, as much as they love to tell each other of their brutish manhandling at the hands of ‘Tory Austerity’. In truth they are more to be pitied than derided because whereas Tories believe in hard work, thrift, family, country and the pursuit of individual betterment, Labour devotees appear to still be waiting for a government to do everything for them, as they have been led to believe is their entitlement.

Cruella May plots ways to torture the poor*

Come 8th June the country will decide and it will decide to hand a decisive majority to Mrs May. As for The Labours, they’ve been waiting a hundred and seventeen years so far... another two or three terms won’t be any problem. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to put another wog on the fire.

(*For any left-wingers reading, this is what is known as 'satire'.) 

1 comment:

  1. Providing they can mix with the lower classes, immigrants and religious nuts on a limited basis (the occasional photo-shoot is the preferred method after a committee meeting) the left can love everybody as they so fervently tell us, because that's the way to peace, harmony and cuddles.

    Sure this peace, harmony and cuddles cannot possibly be offered to anyone who points out their childish errors and nonsensical number skills, and soon goes on hold while the Non-Working Socialist Dream Solidarity Working Party splinters into the New Non-Working Socialist Dream Solidariary Working Alliance. Goodness, them splitters are just as evil as the Tories apparently...