PMT

Oh what a gleefully shitty day for the spine-free zone known as David Cameron. There he stood, with his chubby, insincere, shiny-arse-face in the commons and tried to brazen it out against his detractors. Prime Minister's Trouble has rarely been so intense for him and the opposition were baying for his blood, only this time the opposition was sitting on the government's own back benches.

Ed Moribund got in a couple of whiny broadsides, while Ed Ballsack smirked away like a goon, but his sallies were as peashooter rounds compared to those delivered by the suddenly full-voiced Euro-sceptic conservative MPs. Or, as I like to call them, the moderates. Despite the BBC's best efforts to deny democracy, Nigel Farage also managed a useful haymaker from Brussels on live TV.

Farage just doesn't believe Cameron, neither do I and neither should anybody who can hear and understand English... or as call-me-Dave would like to call it, Germançais.

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Let's be clear, here. There is nothing Sarkozy would like more than to fuck Britain up the arse - or the Bristol Channel, as we call it. It would take away the nasty taste of having to fellate Germany for all eternity and it would offer a brief respite from the buggery of Brussels if Brittania could just grip her ankles and take it for a spell. Merkel's strap-on is frankly enormous and despite her petite stature (still more of a man than Sarky) Frau Deutsche reckons she can handle at least seventeen, the more the merrier, in the Euro daisy chain.

A bit of honesty might go a long way towards convincing the electorate that the UK is not going to be delivered trussed up like a turkey to the European carving table. But we're not going to get any. I like a conservative government; I think it's the best kind, but Cameron isn't a conservative Prone Minister, he's simply a soft-bellied traitor with an urge to commit surrender - I wonder what lucrative job he's been offered when he's handed over the purse strings?

So daft Dave says he is going equipped to the negotiating table. That might ring a bit more true if we didn't know he's already packed his gimp mask and handcuffs. Brussels Bukkake here we come.