Andy Capp

I don't care that this report about incapacity benefits is in the Daily Mail. It might be out of date, it might be inaccurate, but it tells me what I want to hear and feeds my illiberal disposition towards those who scam a system designed to help the genuinely needy.

Everybody except the unquestioning left knows that whatever system is in place, whatever funds are available, some state-funded assistance is going to end up in undeserving hands. And, no matter how fair you try to be, some deserving of aid will be left out in the cold. It's a cruel, heartless world we live in, but that is because humans are essentially cruel and heartless, competitive animals and always, but always, operate on a me-first basis - even if some people manage to fool themselves that they are truly altruistic by nature and not by good fortune.

Anyway, back to that report. It essentially says what you taxpayers already know, that the majority of incapacity benefit claimants are capable of work, but being on that list helped former governments massage the jobless figures. I know there are genuine disabled, but why should they actually get more in cash terms than those on jobseekers allowance? If they're not looking for work it could be argued that they need even less money than jobseekers to get by - no fares to pay, no CVs to write, no letters to stamp, etc.

But, hey, if we're going to hell in a handcart anyway, let's support any disability you can come up with. Here's a starter list:

• I have a lisp
• My hair is the wrong colour
• My tits are too small
• I'm fat and it isn't my fault - I sleep on my back with my mouth open and food just falls in
• I'm too stupid - it's genetic
• I have a bad back - investigation revealed an armchair lodged up my crack
• I'm too British to be capable of work 
• I've got lazy bones, from lyin' in  the sun

Dole should be in stamps. Nobody should get more for sitting on their arse than for working and claiming state aid should revert to being a shameful thing to do.

Oh, by the way, the argument that public sector workers pay tax is ridiculous, isn't it? Their entire income is derived from tax paid by genuine wealth-creators. We can acknowledge the important work some of them do  to keep the state machine turning, but surely it's a fairy tale to imagine that the fact that they don't get to keep all of the top line of their tax-funded pay is the same thing as private sector workers paying IN to the system.

(PS: Still clearing the backblog of drafts)