You couldn't make it up!

Why do I even bother with the Daily mail? I'll tell you why. It's so I can keep up to speed with what you little people regard as news. This morning I have been digging and delving and I've come up with this story to make you gasp, gape and admire the sheer tenacity of some fame-seekers. Beth Ditto, is famous for no other reason than that she's a fat bird who appears to enjoy being fat.

But, just because she projects a public image of happy, fulfilled, fuller-figure womanhood it doesn't mean she doesn't cry herself to sleep night after night. Genuinely eccentric people are delightfully unaware of how they are perceived, whilst exhibitionists are obsessed by it. Nasty though you may think me, I forecast an untimely, unattractive and grisly demise for the poor woman. Who does she most remind me of? Oh yes... Boy George.

What a horrible person I am then, to draw attention to this human car crash in the making. Me? Think again. It's you, the media-devouring public who are responsible. If you just stop looking and pointing and gossiping and buying they will have no option but to confront their inadequacies and sort themselves out.

You make me sick.